Dustin and the boys at my dad’s and went to my mom’s to vent!
So my mom and I had an awesome visit! We don't get to talk a lot in person (plus I don't like talking on the phone)! We talked about how men are so different then women and it comes to stuff like this! We also talked about life! She also gave me some money to go to dinner with!
Wednesday can and we went to Lagoon for Hunter's 5th Birthday! And meet up with my sister in law. We had fun but I took it easy and wasn't able to go swimming. So I just walked around in the walk and just focused on the boys having fun! After Lagoon we went to my sister in laws house and had another birthday party for Hunter since they weren't able to go to the first one! Hunter had a lot of fun with his cousins and his aunt made an awesome ice cream cake! From both birthday parties he got mostly batman stuff (which is what he wanted)!
Thursday we headed back to SLC and we were planning on going to the temple but I started having contractions and bleeding heavier! I call my doctor's nurse she told me there is nothing they can do clinical just wait it out and save the tissue to confirm the miscarriage! We end up just going to the movie and letting my parents would watch the boys!
We were at Jordan Commons just there trying to figure out what we were going to see while I was having contractions! I wasn't sad though; I was just glad that this was finally coming to an end because then we can move on and start trying again! While we were there I thought I may have passed some tissue. I wasn't able to fish it out of the toilet in time before it flushed!
We decided to go see Men in Black III and go to Cafe Rio! A half hour into the movie we decided to so see another movie because it seemed dumb and decided we could see it when it comes to Redbox! We headed back to Jordan Commons and saw Prometheus in 3D! It was very good!
Friday we decided to go to Lagoon again! I had a lot of fun this time! We went swimming and more rides! We ended up staying until about 10pm! They boys fell asleep on the way back to my parent's house.
Saturday morning I started getting thing packed up and put in the car! We took our time getting ready. I was excited that we finally could go home! As we were saying goodbye I felt something drop! So I handed Bentley to Dustin and told him I needed to go the bathroom! When went to the bathroom that is when it happen! I miscarried! I was relieved that it finally happened and that we can finally move on and start trying again! Well as soon as my doctor gives the okay to! I called for Dustin and let him know what happen and I fished the tissue out of the toilet!
As we headed toward my mom’s I called the doctor’s office again and the on call doctor called me back. I told him what had happen and he told me that I probably did miscarry and to call my doctor on Monday to get check out and to when I can start trying again!
I told my mom what had happen and she was sad! I told her that I was okay and that we would just try again! I also told her we (the boys and I) would be back out again. So I could go see the doctor and hopefully change the boys’ doctor’s appointment (again) so I wouldn’t have to come to Salt Lake a third time! She told me she wanted to me to stop by on Tuesday to give me my birthday present!
Then today (Sunday) Dustin got called to be the 2nd counselor of the District Presidency! They had the new District Presidency bare their testimony and also had the wives bare their testimony too! So I went up and bared my testimony and how grateful that I have the gospel and how much it help me through this week! And I explained about I had a miscarriage! I told them how I felt the Lord's love for me! I was crying the whole time and wasn't able to say everything I wanted to say! But I had a few people come up to me and thanked me for my testimony!
I try to find the good in my trails in life! And figure out what the Lord wants me to learn from this! I send my family this email that helps explain the way I feel and how I look at this trial and how I got through it! "I was planning on sending this yesterday on our way home from SLC yesterday but my phone wouldn't let me select more than one email address. So for those who don't know we lost our baby yesterday! I had some complication and was given 50% chance of miscarriage. I had an ultrasound done but the baby was too small to find a heartbeat. So they wanted me to wait 10 day to see if baby would grow and if by then they could see a heartbeat! But deep down I knew it wasn't going to turn out the way we wanted! Actually I've had a feeling for a while that something like this was going to happen! I was trying to come up with a saying of how I was handling it so well even though I knew there was a possibility that I was going to lose the baby! So this is what I came up with, "It’s not that I'm giving up, it’s just that I have complete faith and trust in God that I know he is doing what is best for us and there is no need to worry or be afraid!" This last week I really felt the Lord's love for me and he was with me through the entire process! I honestly felt like he was carrying my burdens for me! One of the many great blessings we get from the Atonement!! I also never let myself think "why me?" Even though I had a perfectly good reason to think it! Because of all the trails we've have, I starting saying to myself "why not me?" We have learned that because of our trials in life that's what makes us become better and stronger people! So by the time I officially lost the baby it felt like more of a relief then anything! Even though I was so thrilled to be pregnant again! I knew we are supposed to have another baby but it might take more time than we thought! The hardest part was the waiting period! Because until then we really couldn't move on and heal from this! Before there was a possibility of miscarriage I was looking online about miscarriage (just in case if it did happen) someone had wrote that even though you are scared that miscarriage is a possibility just be grateful for the days you are pregnant! To help keep your mind off it! So from that day forward I thanked the Lord every day that I got to be pregnant for that day! This trail made me also be grateful for all the little things in life and made me realize how much I love my boys and that I still have them! Sorry this email it kind of long but I wanted you all to know what happen and how I was feeling! I don't want people to feel sad for us! We are okay and the Lord its helping us! It’s something that happens to some of us but it’s what makes us stronger! And we already have peace and comfort! So if you want to pray for us just pray that it will happen again and that it will have a better outcome! But if things go not as planned (again) we will just pick ourselves up and try again! ~With love Toni"
My husband has been awesome though this! I appreciate him so much! And that he is a worthy priesthood holder! He has given me a couple of priesthood blessing! One of them last night when I was so sick! And within minutes I felt better! I'm hoping to see the doctor tomorrow and I'll tell you know how it goes!
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